I have very recently returned from a trip to Sicily. I flew solo, there and back. I made a promise to myself, that if it all goes smoothly and I handle the stress well, it is a solid testimony to managing my mental health, and I can then write about my psychology honestly and confidently.

Writing these lines hence serves as a proof of my recent small (but meaningful) achievement.

Two years ago, due to the situation being so challenging, I started taking antidepressants. It was a reasonable decision at that time and helped to deal with the circumstances. So no regrets whatsoever.

January 2022, I started flirting with the idea of getting off the medication. Discontinuing antidepressants twice before, I realised the potential risks. I knew that if I was to succeed, I needed to prepare physically and mentally. Before even discussing the possibility of quitting with my doctor, I began rigorous preparation. This was twofold:

Physical preparation

Staying in a good physical shape was key. As someone who doesn’t particularly enjoy exercising and loves eating, it hasn’t been always effortless. But feeling OK in your own body is essential in achieving the second goal ->

Mental preparation

With the personal and professional experience in meditation, I practised daily. Furthermore, I worked on my positive thinking and humour. In that way I can be more resilient and focused.

In May 2022, I met with the doctor and we discussed the possibility of stopping the pills. She supported my efforts and said that I was in a very good state. We agreed on the slow ceasing, which would take a number of weeks. Having the doctor’s direct phone number, I was encouraged to get in touch if anything feels wrong.

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Now, more than three months since, I can definitely observe a few changes. The best way to describe it: being on the antidepressants is like wearing an extra layer of clothing. The emotions would still get to you, you would still feel sadness, anger, joy, … but less intensely. Removing this additional piece of clothes can leave you more vulnerable.

Being aware of these side effects and ways to cope gives me strength and confidence. I know that there might be obstacles and times that would be sad/stressful, but I am confident that I am in control. Some might think this was a dangerous decision. Fair enough. Nevertheless, It’s a risk I am willing to take. So far, it is going really well.