Valentine’s Day can be hard for those who are single, widowed, broken-hearted, cheated on, rejected, … basically it can be hard for us all.

I often think how dating and making new friends can be challenging for young people with brain tumours.

SPOILER ALERT: it is extremely difficult!

I can explain why: from certain age, it is expected to find a partner, get married and have children. Not everyone would follow such a formula and in this particular order. Nevertheless, this is the norm. Statistically, biologically, traditionally. I reached this magical age (30), when people around me are getting married, divorced, re-married, getting pregnant (on purpose!) and having kids. It’s the circle of life and the reason why we have survived so long as a species. So, normal. Natural.

But…

For someone with such a complex and uncertain condition, like a brain tumour, this is not so simple. Very few potential boyfriends/girlfriends would even ask you out if there was any physical impairment (problem walking for instance). If you are lucky enough to get a date, the date turns into a relationship. Relationship gets serious and the inner conversation begins:

Can I have kids? Do I want them? Should I? Could I? Do I want to stay with this person? Does he/she actually like me or is just scared/embarrassed to leave?

During these ten years living with this diagnosis, I have been in serious relationships, pregnant, single and engaged and I realise how bloody challenging it is. I’d go even further and say, it is even harder for young women. We are the one childbearing. Women are generally more caring, so being a male patient in a heterosexual relationship is, in my opinion, a tad easier.

All that being said, it might sound depressing and hopeless. I suppose, if we long for a fairytale life, spotless relationship and unicorns, then yes, this will seem sorrowful. Except, it doesn’t have to be. Our sole life purpose is not to find “the soulmate” and procreate. There are countless other meaningful stuff we could do, different paths we could take.

It won’t always be effortless. Days like Valentine’s remind us just that. ~ Live your life. Laugh. Smile. Listen. Wonder. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Repeat. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it. Trust me.